I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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