I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
