You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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