Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
