Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
