I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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