everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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