So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
