Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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