East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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