we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
