and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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