i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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