You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
