wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
