I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
