why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize