ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
