I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
