you turned your livingroom into a bong?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
