Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
