you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize