Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
try to milk me bitch
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