Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
