We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
