Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize