he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
