8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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