my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
