I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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