are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
