Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
