i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
