there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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