Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
