i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize