TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
