I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I FOUND THE LEGS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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