There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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