He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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