She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
