You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
