When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
