Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The feeling are messing with the penis
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
