these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
