y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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