Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
