What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
