It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
