I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need a beard to bite.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
