our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
