Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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