the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
