No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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