So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
