I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
so much tequila, so little girl.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
