his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
