New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
