Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You took a bar mat shot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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