We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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