I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
