You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
