I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well you can't waste a boner
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
