I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
