Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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