Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
