I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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