Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
