After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
