I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
