I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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