I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
