Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
