You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
