you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
