i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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