Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
