go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
