If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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