Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
