I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
