They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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