I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
