dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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