Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
