Pants 0. Shit 1.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
