How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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