The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
