I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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