You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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