Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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