Pappa wants mamma naked
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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