This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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