there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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