Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
