she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize