dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
