I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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