Your face is a jimmy john
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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